Love Relationship Advice

Overcoming Your Relationship Breakup: STOP, Don't Go!

2009-11-30T08:43:00.000-08:00

by Cucan Pemo

It’s over. Your loved one is saying that they’re going to leave. They’re packing up their stuff and are ready to move to a new place. How do you stop the breakup from happening?

How do you get things back to the way they were? How do you get your loved one to unpack their bags at home instead of somewhere else? There are a lot of ways to deal with such a situation—a lot of things you should, and shouldn’t, do.

1) The “Shouldn’ts”

Women tend to beg when their loved one is on the verge of leaving. I can remember, in minute detail (unfortunately), the way I begged my ex to not leave our apartment. I literally got down on my knees and grabbed him to stop him from leaving.

Did you notice I said “ex”? The first time I did this, it did work and he didn’t leave. We talked through our differences and were able to stay together for another couple of months. Then, once again, he prepared to leave. I pulled my stunt and guess what? He left anyway.

Our relationship was officially over. Your first instinct as a woman may be to beg and plead, but it just belittles you and generally doesn’t work on your loved one.

Don’t try to make your loved one jealous. Some people go out and make new “friends” in an effort to make their significant other jealous enough to not leave. Most of the time, this doesn’t work, either. Instead of making the spouse jealous, it may give them the final push they need to leave for good. A slight bit of jealousy can give a relationship a spark, but not if it’s already on a downswing.

2) The “Shoulds”

The first thing you should do is step back, breathe, and give your loved one some room. If they feel hemmed in, they’re not going to want to stay with you. Remember the old saying “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar?”

In giving them what they want, you are respecting their time and are giving yourself time to cool down, as well. In the heat of the argument, things are often said aren’t meant by either party. Time alone gives you the chance to breathe and to move onto the next step.

Step two involves figuring out what’s really going on in the relationship. Why does your loved one want to break up? Have you been fighting recently? Are all the fights about the same thing, or are they about random things?

If all the fights are about the same thing, then you already know what you have to work on. If they are about random things, there is probably some underlying argument simmering below the surface that hasn’t been discussed. Work on trying to figure out what that is.

Approach your loved one and calmly ask them what their biggest problem with the relationship is. Sometimes their answer will give you the direction that you should move in next.

3) Ch-ch-ch-changes

Everybody changes; it’s a fact of life! Who you are when you’re a senior in high school is not who you’ll be when you’re 30. Who you are now may not be who you are in a few months.

This is often why relationships start to fall apart: you feel as though you don’t know the person you’re with anymore. Make some time to get to know each other again! Spend time together doing simple things: walking, talking, sitting in the park feeding the birds.

Do things together that require that you are both alone together. You could go to a movie, but you really can’t talk well there. The best thing to do is to find something you can do that allows you to communicate with each other.

Open yourself up to your partner. Sometimes we focus so much on what we want that we neglect to think of how our partner is feeling. Often, if you try to see things through their point of view, you will find that you are much more empathetic to their feelings. You can see their side of the argument, and if you can do that, then you can fix it.

Strong relationships are fixable, and it’s always better to try to stop a breakup before it happens than to try to fix it after it’s been broken. After all, you can always fix a crack in a vase, but it’s a lot more difficult to find all of the pieces once it’s broken.

How To Save Your Relationship : What to Do If You Are Always Arguing!

2009-09-10T08:16:00.000-07:00

Most people live full-time with their parents for 18 years. If you meet the one whom you’re meant to be with before you’re 30 years old, you will hopefully end up spending more than 30 years with them. This means that you’ll be spending more than double the time with your spouse than you spent with your parents.

With such a large amount of time being spent with another person, it’s a given that you are going to clash now and again. Sometimes, however, the fighting gets so bad that one or the other of you may decide to quit your relationship all together.

So how do you save a relationship that seems to be headed down the toilet?

1) Recognize Reality

The first thing you have to do is recognize why you’re fighting. Are you fighting because you’re truly mad at each other, or are you fighting because you’re upset that some jerk at your office accused you of something you didn’t do?

You live together and are friends, of course, so it makes sense that you take out your moods and pent-up emotions on each other.

However, this can cause a lot of problems. Before your anger escalates to the boiling point, stop and figure out exactly why you’re angry. If you’re frustrated about something at work, let your lover know. They are the person you should be able to turn to when things aren’t going the way you want them to.

2) Find the Calm

The calmer you are, the more likely your spouse will be to take you seriously. People are more likely to listen to the words of a calm person than they are to someone who won’t stop ranting and raving.

One way in which you can learn to remain calm is to take up meditation or yoga. Simple breathing techniques that are taught in these disciplines can help you to learn to stay calm, even in the midst of a really difficult argument. When you learn these breathing techniques, you may be able to stave off the argument entirely, which is one way to help save your relationship.

3) Agree to Disagree

No two people are going to agree on everything all of the time. It would be a pretty boring world if we all did! Take the case of one of my male friends. He believes that his daughter shouldn’t have earrings until she is 14, while his wife believes that she should be allowed to have them anytime after the age of four.

This is an argument that threatened to tear them apart. Finally, they both agreed to disagree about the earring situation. He figured out that, when she got older, she would convince him herself. Sometimes you have to put aside your strong feelings and realize that your lover has strong feelings, as well. It’s perfectly all right to agree to disagree!

4) Teamwork

Instead of fighting against each other, come together and work for, or against, something. If you have children, work toward giving them the best life you can give them.

If you’re against something in your town, work toward getting it resolved. If you’re into sports, join a team together. The couple that plays together, stays together!

5) Dance and Romance

When my boyfriend and I first got together, we used to spend hours just talking late at night. We would both be exhausted the next morning from the time we spent awake, chatting with each other.

As our relationship got further and further apart, we realized that we never stayed up talking anymore. One evening the music was on and I grabbed him and started dancing around the room with him. The simple act made us happy and made us realize how much we loved just being in each other’s arms.

Dance and romance your partner. Sometimes swaying slowly together in a darkened kitchen is one of the nicest ways to reconnect.

Relationships are tricky things. When you put two people together for a long amount of time, they are bound to fight and bicker.

If the bickering gets bad enough, things can disassemble quite quickly. Find ways to show your lover how much you care about them. Put silly little love notes in their lunchbox. Write a message in the steam on the bathroom mirror, so that the next time they take a shower they will see the message.

Grab some lipstick and write “I love you” on their car window while they’re at work or busy doing something else.

Realize that nobody’s perfect, and focus more on reconnecting with your loved one rather than winning a battle.

Dealing With Strong Feelings: 7 Ways To Get Over A Broken Heart FAST!

2009-09-10T08:11:00.000-07:00

A broken heart is hard to deal with no matter how the break up goes down. It is something that may hurt for a long time to come. You need to figure out how to get over a broken heart when it happens. It may not be something that you want to think about but you have to do it because life does go on and you need to take advantage of it.

There are going to be different phases of the breakup. You need to go through them all so that you are able to achieve the sense of security and love that you once did. Having these feelings are going to be good for you but you do not want to take them too far. This will only make things harder on you when it comes to getting on with your life. There are predicable phases of a break up. You may have been through them before, but there are some good ways to deal with your strong feelings and get over that broken heart fast!

You need to share your feelings. Getting out what you are feeling is going to make you feel better inside. You want to share these feelings with your friends and family or anyone that will listen to you. Having a good support is going to help you get through the tough times faster. You do not have to let it out all at once. Talk about it slowly and work your way up to getting it all out in the open.
Think about what is good for you. You have to get over this broken heart fast so that you are able to feel better. You need to make good choices for what is good for your heart and soul. Make sure that you are not putting yourself in any situation that may be harmful for you. Getting over the breakup is important and you need to do what is best for you.
Taking good care of you is important. You want to keep eating and exercising and staying healthy. You need to keep your strength up so that you are able to be strong and able to feel good about yourself. This will help you get over the break up and get back on track.
Let it all out if you want to. Crying is good. You do not have to be embarrassed about crying. It is part of life. You will find that there are going to be hard times that hit you all of a sudden and you will feel like crying and letting it all out. You need to do this anyway to keep your sanity. This will help you feel better and get back on track. You need to do this when you feel the urge and do not worry about what others think.
Doing the things that you love the most will help you get over the break up too. You will want to make sure that you are keeping up with your hobbies and doing what makes you the happiest. You want to keep your schedule on track and stay busy. This will help you heal faster.
Keeping busy is key. You need to stay on the go and keep your mind occupied. This will allow you to keep those unhappy and undesirable life events out of your mind and keep you motivated to stay healthy. You want to make sure that you are doing all that you can to stay busy. You will want to talk to your friends, go out more and spend some time with your family. These things will make you feel better and help heal your wounded heart.
Time is of the essence. You need to remember that all wounds heal with time. You need to give yourself the time and soon you will notice that you are not feeling so bad and that life is good again. If you actively seek the answers to the problematic areas of your life which has caused your breakups, you will find the answers. Seek the help of an expert if you desire to restore your marriage or your relationship. Ask and talk to people who have successfully saved their relationship. Their insights and experience can help you pull through this period. Who knows, once you have it all figured out, you could well be on your way to save your relationship and have your lover running back into your arms again!

There is no need to worry when you are involved in a break up. Everyone has been through it and there is going to be happiness again. When a relationship breakup happens, understand that it is not your fault and do not put all the blame on yourself. It usually does mean that something has gone off-balance in your life and in your relationship and you need to put that balance back.